Ep171 - What does healthy relationship look like?

In this episode we will talk about what a healthy relationship looks like. The perfect relationship depends - of course - on your preferences, life and so much more. That is a science of and on itself. We just focus on a healthy relationship, that has the best chances to last and bring you happiness.
We first talk about communication, then respect, then shared values and goals, then conflict, then support and then emotional stability

Contact: contactme@johannadraconis.com
Transcript: https://www.johannadraconis.com/episode171

Contact: contactme@johannadraconis.com
Website: www.johannadraconis.com
www.johannadraconis.com/archive-collection

support me:
https://ko-fi.com/johannadraconis
https://paypal.me/Johannadraconis

Discord/support group:
https://discord.io/JohannaDraconis
https://discord.gg/mEAgpqjuhF

twitter: https://twitter.com/JohannaDraconis
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/JohannaDraconis/

youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR_eyifiglAs0knS4huMwoQ
https://www.youtube.com/@johannadraconis

reddit archive: https://www.reddit.com/r/DraconisCPTSDarchive/
reddit convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/DraconisCPTSDtalk/

rss feed: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/371360.rss

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! I am Johanna Draconis and I welcome you to “The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD” podcast.
In this episode we will talk about what a healthy relationship looks like. The perfect relationship depends - of course - on your preferences, life and so much more. That is a science of and on itself. We just focus on a healthy relationship.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:27]
Considering last episode I thought we need a bit of a more positive one. After what a relationships doesn’t look like - let us now focus on how a healthy relationship looks like, that has the best chances to last and bring you happiness.
Also definitions of what is okay will DRASTICALLY change during your healing progress - it can be truly shocking when you read what your past self thought was okay.
But before we start I want to give you the best advice I got - for all of us who got screwed from the start: Love should feel like a warm hug.
These hugs that makes you feel safe, warm, loved, protected and like everything will be okay - ...somehow. I know some of you never experienced such a hug or caring love - and I hope you get to experience it soon. This episode hopefully helps you with that.
We first talk about communication, then respect, then shared values and goals, then conflict, then support and then emotional stability

Communication [1:40]
By almost everyone, including me, communication is considered the most crucial and important aspect of a healthy relationship. It is one of THE things you can not compensate and requires both parties to participate and actively try to do it. Going both ways of course.
The other person should, generally, listen to your concern and take them seriously. Shutting the other person out or letting communications die is very damaging to a relationship. You can communicate needing time to think - that is fine, but the silent treatment is not.
Communication is also important to improve your relationship and sex life - by expressing your needs and wants you improve both. Or on a smaller scale help you to adjust to each other better so little things don’t pile up to become big things. Listening is important.

Respect [2:41]
The second most important thing is respect - it is the most important core of any relationship. Respect in form of respecting the human being and not as an authority. That goes from respecting each others personal space, boundaries, opinions and so on.
A partner that respects you will not put you down or let other people put you down - be it friends, co worker or the like. Not talking about taking the bait for an escalating conflict, but giving a clear position to counter it and leaving you not standing alone in the fire.
It also means respecting your no and if you say you feel a certain way - taking your word for it. It sadly has to be said, that your partner shouldn’t argue how you feel or dismiss your feelings. That is treating an adult like a toddler and not respecting their voice.

Shared values and goals [3:39]
The third one is shared values and goals - or in other words: Are you guys on the same page? Are you both working to improve? Be it your relationship or yourselves? Are you both willing to learn and listen when needed? Are you both each others same priority?
Are you valuing the same things in life? A carbon copy is rarely good, but you should have especially the core values in common. What about having children? How to handle finances? Where are you heading in your life? How important is your job in your life?
How much do you let other people in your relationship? Are you both committed to be faithful? What is considered cheating? Your lives should head in the same direction - they don’t have to be identical. Like dance partners there has to be a least some closeness.

Conflict [4:40]
The fourth is how do you guys handle conflict? Because that is the stress test for any relationship. Are you shutting down and letting your partner solve it all by themselves? Are you harboring resentment after a conflict? Will past conflicts be brought up again?
For a relationship to succeed it needs you two together against the issue. How can WE solve this problem? How can WE find a solution? What steps can WE take so WE don’t end up in this situation again? Do WE need both a break from the issue to think clearly?
Do WE both need to retreat in our corner to cool down and after an hour talk again with cooler tempers? Your partner needs to have your back - as you must have your partners back. You are life partners - helping each others lives. You are in this together or not at all.

Support [5:39]
The fifth is support - as I just hinted at. How do you support each other? Are you lifting each other up? Celebrate successes and share losses? Are you there when your partner needs you? And your partner for you? Can you rely on each other?
Are you comfortable to share your successes and celebrate your partners? Are you each others source of comfort during hard times? Do you care for each other and look out for another? Keeping the other person in mind and what they might need?
And do you support each other creating a solid support network? You can’t just rely on each other, but it should be your first station and line of defense. After all - do you not treasure each other and want the best for each other?

Emotional Stability [6:29]
And lastly, but not least is emotional stability. Which is sort of a call back to Episode 168 about being ready for a new healthy relationship - where I listed more requirements. But emotional stability and maturity is something that is often generally missing.
Some people think that you get emotional mature just by getting older, but that is truly not the case. But it is crucial for fostering and growing a healthy relationship and especially needed for children. It means accepting you are wrong and willing to grow and learn.
It also means not freaking out over little things, having a roller coaster of emotions or responding with silent treatment, anger, sulking, lashing out after something doesn’t go your way. It means forgiving and being aware and considering the others emotions.
To know it isn’t just about you, but also about those around you. Also emotional maturity is saying this is too much and I will leave to protect myself. Prioritizing yourself when needed, but also being aware of the needs of those around you.

Outro [7:43]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful and that you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com. 
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description. You can also find me under @johannadraconis on Youtube, twitter and instagram.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.